There and back again

I realised, yesterday, that dentists are very good at conversations, one sided ones. Where else can you find a profession where you (actually) have a captive audience? And the best thing is your audience can never talk back at you, so you can say anything you want =p

It was fairly traumatising actually, getting my poor teeth mishandled like that (She was good, but my teeth! ><). The top one, understandable, but the bottom one .. :S Halfway through the entire procedure, I had visions of myself getting up and saying NO! No more!! Leave the teeth alone!!! ><. The rational side of me helpfully pointing out that it was impossible, she had already sawn through like half the tooth. Haiz, why did I remove that poor tooth.. it was fine! It was huge! It was merely impacted >
So now I'm 2 teeth short, with 1 week MC... Well at least I can use this 1 week to learn something I should have learnt some time ago...

Unexpectedly, I just spent 2 hrs plus spying on blogs. I haven't done such a thing for a really long time, but the mood suddenly hit me, and I remembered what Hogy said about CH, so I decided to take a peek at his blog. Hmmz seems like a lot of things have been happening in the old place. Well, the problems were already latent, I remember mentioning a few of them last time, but as usual nothing happened. Their 'pattern'... very obvious heh.

It was reading these blogs that put me in a more introspective mood, so far my blog posts have mainly been about work, nothing much on what's inside. But that's just me, everything inside.. is, well... inside.

I met up with Hogy on my birthday, had a very nice dinner at this Brittany place. Yum~. We talked about a bunch of things, and he was saying I am too rational. Hmm can there ever be too much rationalism?

Actually it's kinda scary, the level of rationalising I do (which is too much). Somehow relationships are mainly viewed in + and - terms and their final value is calculated from some secret formula... Hmmz this didn't quite turn out the way I wanted it to, but it's probably the self protection mechanisms =p

I think, what I'm trying to say (obliquely) is the level of openness. Of course, I don't try to leverage on people, I try to be open. If I'm recommending something, I lay it all down, play it straight. Never going to play it otherwise, just not my style. But on the more emotional level, it's pretty much restricted zones everywhere. Highly irregular.

I'm not sure if I'll ever reach a high level of openness with anyone, it's just not programmed into my circuits ><; Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

Thinking about the old place, I guess I'm glad to have left. To think I almost would have stayed. At that time it wasn't really about the $ (Well NOW it would be heh), it was more of principle, more of the work that I did. It was (and is) sad that the Product that we spent so long developing, and pretty feature complete, would probably never see the light of day, just because Someone wants it to be omfg! Splashed on macworld the moment it's released. The Tool we've all been waiting for! To release the oppressed masses! Everything AND the kitchen sink!

Have they done focus groups for that?

Haha

Well that aside, it IS a pretty useful tool for certain jobs.

Moving on with focus groups... It's been a rather .. interesting week last week, many changes. Some kind of abrupt. But hedging safely I guess. Kinda traumatising to be yanked from a team and stuffed into another, although they were quick to reassure us that yes! We still want you guys! You're not entirely useless to us!

I guess I'm kind of blase about the whole thing. Basically, I know my direction, although I'm not sure if I can get there.. But HEY! If Daxx can do it... I can too! >< maybe? But of course I need to hedge my bets too. Daxx's route isn't the easiest either. But at least it gives the power of Choice. As I told Hogy on Saturday, Choice is what I want. Choice is what's in short commodity nowadays.

Sometimes I feel like giving up ... it's too hard to learn.. not seeing any returns, keep losing .. But thinking about Daxx and Choice ... and Freedom of course... Gotta trudge on .........

Where is the exit?