Thoughts...

Talked to R today about LP.. about the stuff that I've been through.

His feedback. For weeks he's been seeing me go around this cycle looking for an answer to a non existent problem.

I've been feeling pretty shoehorned for this entire course. Why do I have to behave like this? Why .. why blah blah. For some people, I guess it works for them. They feel the breakthrough, they feel like they have done something different, and it's great for them. But people are different. What is important to them isn't necessarily important to another person.

In a way this course has been pretty beneficial. I did learn stuff, and to me, found my greatest breakthrough which will take me through life. But to other ppl, no it's not a breakthrough, etc etc. .. Duh? We have different ways of judging..

I've been judged by a person who said less than 50 words to me. Based on that quick analysis, he can say I don't make creative input at work. But R, being boss and all, said no. Well ya I guess so, that was what I answered then. And that person said even louder. You don't.

So well I gave up. I realised then if I continue fighting, I will be labelled as defensive. But yet if I just let it slide, I'm not being true to myself.

So was kinda blah.

And that happened again by that coursemate who said I don't have my breakthrough yet. Babe, we have different kinds of breakthroughs.

I know, there are various ways to look at this. To do something different, to try out different stuff. Ya .. I agree. But I'm just not wired that way. I like saying "I don't have that plugin installed" etc. It's just a quirk of mine. Then they say, don't think! Use your heart!

But ... well .. er the heart is silent leh. If you wanna listen to the heart... That's not the way I'm wired.

Then the same coursemate was saying that people want the same things. (Well in a very basic way I guess). And the fact that I want my car to be neon light, door lights .. etc etc, is cause somehow not open at all etc etc. That people are the same .. blah..

I dunno. I just like my car to have lights... flashy shitz.... No particular reason.

I dunno

Now feeling rather negative about the whole thing.

It has its merits.

But... I guess it's not for me.

Blatantly obvious .. To some

Regarding LP...
These few days I've been feeling resentful about the time needed, and my logical mind kept finding excuses to quit.

But last night, in bed, I was thinking when I solve problems like computer probs, fixing bugs ..
I never dwell on the "why did this happen!?!"
I just think of "It's .. ok .. It happened already. What can I do to fix it?"

Can't I just let the heart (or mind .. depending on subject matter) decide..

OK I want to do X and put the power and energy of my logical mind behind THINKING how to make it work rather than whining about it.