Where do I wander off to now

May be a little late to be posting this, since it's already nearing the end of January, but mm it's been simmering in my mind for a long time, so better late than never?

~Reflection~

All in all it has been an interesting year, lost and gained, lost and loved, more wanderings and ponderings.

I suppose after half a year in muvee, I think I can say that it's a good decision muving on. Why? Met more "grown" up people, my old place had 2 categories, the Boss Units (BU) and Peon Units (PU), and all the PUs were of my level, around my age, similar experiences. The BUs were nice but they were hardly around, and we only talked much on official capacities. Hardly would I think of meeting them after office hours for muvee outings or dinner etc etc.

Pretty mysterious given that they are all around my age.

Then there's processes, the processes here are better.

And then there's BUs, my BU is a nice guy. Need anything? Go buy and let me sign. Need off? No need to give leave form first, you sms me and poof first, come back then let me sign. He's a good guy ^^;

TL R is also not too bad, introduced drinks! and other funky stuff. Pool buddy too heh.

Also at least bonus is not too bad <_<

And now they changed 13th mth to contractual means every year will def get 13mth bonus! Woot.

Of course, not to say the old place is bad, if I had stayed, would have had more power and influence. heh ^^

Also, coming here has given me a new perspective on things. It's been a little difficult to reconcile them with the present configuration though, still need to mull through alot of stuff.... Damn I thought of alot to write during my lunch @ Macs earlier but now dunno how to start, heh.

Gah after toilet break and other misc stuff, lagi worse, dunno how to start. hmmz

Hmm Lets start off like this. I'm challenging myself on the preconceived notions of right and wrong. Things one should do, and things one shouldn't do. (eww sounds tacky). I have a friend who started dating a french dude. Her parents went ballistic. Can't you get an SG dude?! He's FRENCH! He's bad! He'll definitely want to have sex with you and blah. Things were bad and in the end she struck out on her own, living in another uncle's spare flat. (great to have relatives sometimes).

Had a talk with her sometime back and what she said was she learnt something new (well SBU (super BU) 1 told her.

If they can't handle the truth, don't tell them the truth.

And, one answers only to oneself. Naturally it's not saying you do whatever you want, but do it within limits. Like if you feel it should be done, it's what you really want, go ahead and do it. Life experiences are for yourself to learn. If you've done everything in your power to let the people who are worried for you to be at ease, and they still try to make things difficult for you, that's too bad. You can't be responsible for what they feel even after you lay your cards on the table. What's important is what you feel.

Hmm seems odd to be written out like that. Not the best structuring.

Like the friend with that guy. Her parents go He's bad and such, but they haven't even met him. They just assumed he was bad. She however, wants to experience it for herself (he seems pretty good, working in accenture and stuff). I have trust in her that she won't pick up some bad egg. If it fails, she will at least walk away of having the lost and loved experience (lolz so tacky).

Aiyah dunno how to say it lah. But you know what I mean. If you don't then ..

I came to this theory earlier at lunch. For those who are getting squashed by their elders. NO! Can't do this! It's BAD! Cos I KNOW! Is it really true? Have they experienced the same exact situation with the same conditions? Guess it's easier to put it this way.

It's like hiring an applications programmer to program a game. Sure, a game IS an application on the surface, but deep down the model is pretty different. Most applications are event driven, they don't need to extremely performance oriented ie you don't need to squeeze out every single ounce of processing power. A variable which ranges from 1 - 128 you declare as an integer in an application is fine, but it will have to be declared as a byte in a game. The application programmer can provide insights and maybe some experience to the budding programmer, but the best person to solve the problems would be the budding programmer himself, for he'll learn from his mistakes. Besides, he's the one in the hot seat.

Damn I sound fragmented.

Like for example, buying a car. She(tm) says no don't buy car, blah blah. Buy one with your hubby blah blah. But seriously, the choice is mine and my own. Wouldn't it be good to learn about how to maintain a car? The responsibilities of loans and money handling? The different activities you'd do with a car? Naturally I wouldn't be buying a car now, simply doing a survey and some future planning. So overreactions like that are silly. I KNOW it'll be a burden on finances, it's a slow bleed now, with a car it'd be a hemorrhage. So definitely I'll be smart enough to decide whether I want to take on the responsibility of getting one.

Tsk.

I was questioned on the issue of leaving (vague alert!) the unit. What I felt about it if X left. At that time (and now) my response was if X thinks it's right, thinks leaving will give X more opportunities, a better life, sure. For I cannot provide the same level of care X would get if X left, nor can I guarantee it. However I was informed that this was not the "correct" answer. (well at least that's what I inferred), and the proper answer was NO! But I cannot say NO fairly. As mentioned earlier, if I cannot guarantee it, who am I to stop you from taking steps to achieve what YOU want, to make YOU happy?

Well now apparently, the one who provided the correct answer has some experience now and is apparently singing a different tune. Oh well, don't care. I still stand by what I think.

Then there's another issue, about how good a guy is when he has "plans". We'll date for X years, if ok after that then get married. Is that how it should be? It sounds so bloody mechanical. Yet it was lauded. I'm still of two minds about it. Naturally it's good to have that eventual goal in mind, but ... to state it out so flatly? Hmm

I was spying peering at this chick's blog a few days ago, her bf proposed to her. Aww so sweet. He had his friends over to help sing song/say stuff/can't remember though. If I were the gf I'd have been -_-. Why did you have to involve friends? Are you afraid I'd say no? Then looked at the pictures of the flat and everything

Is that all it is? Maybe not ready to settle down, but somehow feel that's not the life for me. It feels so .. typical. Of course, I'm unique, just like everyone else, but I've always been atypical, I've done my fair share of odd things, gone the odd path, will probably keep doing it though. Heh.

I thought about what L said when he saw the utube vid about that guy. When the hosts asked him why he wanted to get married, the reasons were "I'm not getting any younger... she's a nice girl.." L was saying Why isn't the answer "Because I love her .. etc etc" (paiseh can't remember word for word). Maybe he's shy .. but hmmm

Reading sgbrides forum has given some perspective too, there are those who marry for the sake of marrying. Why in the past me and my gf were talking about stuff like this too .. Hopefully the guy can make $$, look ok, treat me super good, then ok liao. But is this it? Would a guy with lesser $, tiao jian do? Someone you care about deeply? Hmm

What's really important at the end of the day? To say, I've lived in a condo! I've 3 mercs, 2 bmws? Thought of this resume hogy and I found on the backpacker's lodge comp @ KL some time back. That dude is a certified backpacker, he travels around the world, applying for short stint jobs to tide him through for his next hop.

At the end, he might be a poor churchmouse but he'd have travelled widely. Sure, you with the condo and stuff would probably have done the same, but your vision of would probably be that of resorts, golfing clubs while his would be closer, more to the grass roots. In the end, which is what you want?

Huh apologies for sounding fragmented, multitasking as I type heh. Didn't come out exactly the way I want it though.

I've also been faulted for the choice of career. Hey, if you listened to me like that chick in some random neighbour's house who listened to her sis and did accounting, you'd be indispensable and earning lots of money. It's like hallo? Am I interested in accounting? Who the hell cares if YOU have been an accountant before. Yes, they are important, yes some of them earn lots of money, but that's THEM. I'm ME. And .. why not you be a teacher! Like your sis, stable .. blah blah. See above answer *roll eyes* Gah Makes me angry. What a fking idiot.

Guess the final message for the day is this: Let me (general term) choose to do what I want. Provide the red flags when necessary but experience cannot be taught, it must be earned. And, I cannot be responsible for how you feel. If I've fulfilled my responsibility of furnishing as many details as possible and you still cannot accept it, do not hold me responsible for what you feel. I cannot control what you feel.